OH…the pressure!

I’m a spreadsheet/calendar/list geek…and I know it!  When stuff happens that isn’t accounted for in my schedule then I re-arrange everything to make the unexpected fit.  That’s a lot of work…and takes time from accomplishing my “to do” list.  This year I’ve been working on, to quote my husband, “not getting my panties in a twist” when my daily agenda is compromised.

My friend Dawn, always reminds me that most of the pressure I feel is from myself.  I set my deadlines/goals but I also need to realize that it’s okay to miss them.  Honestly~does anyone care that I haven’t visited a single park this month?  I’m going with…NOPE!

I haven’t read 2 books each month, made 2 recipes each week, or renewed my passport.  I’ve purchased four different online deals to classes but haven’t started any yet.  What’s going to happen if I don’t get this stuff done…absolutely nothing.  I’ll be disappointed and that’s the consequence.

I’ve been putting pressure on myself to do blog posts twice a week…which means having something to write about…which means making progress on my 40 x 40 list.  Meanwhile, life is sometimes complicated and gets in the way.

The simple things in life just don’t seem to remain simple for me.

Getting married to the best guy ever was a simple decision.  The pressure I put on myself and my husband to tie the knot early was all me.  My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I had to get married before he passed.  That bumped up the wedding by 7 months, giving me 3 months to get it all done.  I don’t regret a single second and if we didn’t get married until later…I don’t think anyone would have minded either…the pressure was all me.

Having kids…seems like a simple decision.  He wants them…I want them…let’s do it.  If my husband would have buckled to my pressure right after we got married, we’d have a couple of kids between 8-10 years old right now.  He wasn’t ready and I probably wasn’t either.  Now he is ready and wouldn’t you know it…not simple!  Now the pressure is coming from doctors saying that if I want to have kids…I’m on borrowed time.  IVF it is…but with my endometriosis and ovarian cyst issues, I’m REALLY on borrowed time….and it’s running out within months. (At least that’s what the doctors say)

This new outside pressure and the slow recovery I’ve had from dealing with the endometriosis and cysts (Nov 1 surgery), has really thrown my spreadsheet/calendar/list for a loop.  I feel like three weeks have passed with nothing accomplished.  People remind me that I needed to recover and take it easy…and most of the pressure I was feeling~I was putting on myself.  It’s true!

I will throw away my list of “things I didn’t get done in October and November” and focus on moving forward.  After looking at the list, I realized it was ALL stuff that I was pressuring myself to do and get done.  However, I do feel the need to apologize for all the things I intended to do and didn’t.

I’m sorry that:

I missed 2 soccer games

I didn’t make it to The Tastefully Simple or the Willow House party

I didn’t host a Gold party, a Willow House party, or a Tastefully Simple party.

I haven’t made it to bootcamp (or encouraged others) for two weeks

I didn’t help my husband move our travel trailer to the new location for duck hunting

I wasn’t there when my friends did a 5k on Nov. 5th.

I didn’t grocery shop or cook for two weeks  (Thank you to my husband, my mother in law, my mom, and my sister for not letting me starve)

I didn’t offer to make/sell pies and cakes for Thanksgiving this year

I haven’t made a blog post about the Warrior Dash with all the good pictures

OK…with that done I feel like the bottle of soda that was shaken and finally someone turned the cap to release the pressure.  PHEW!

With the holidays festivities starting next week, I decided that I’ll really focus on enjoying my friends and family and not put any additional pressure on myself.  I’m going to take it easy for the rest of this year and get back to a limited version of my spreadsheet/calendar/lists in January!  I’ve still got 25 months to finish my 40 x 40 list, so why am I rushing?!

Life is a challenge and you either embrace it or come out swinging.

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